tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Thu Apr 26 22:58:58 2012
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Re: [Tlhingan-hol] Suto'vo'qor lojmIt
De'vID:
>> {Hakuin} ghoS SuvwI'. SuvwI'vaD {Nobushige} ponglu'.
Qov:
> I don't think the braces are necessary for recognizing names, btw. I find
> them a little weird, especially after the first time.
On previous occasions when non-Klingon words were used in primarily
Klingon text without marking them, people have been chided. The
brackets are probably unnecessary as none of the names in my
translations coincide with Klingon orthography, but OTOH maybe not
marking them confuses beginners who are not yet familiar with what
"looks" Klingon and what doesn't.
Qov:
> I guess Hakuin is a theology expert.
Something like that: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hakuin_Ekaku
De'vID:
>> jach {Hakuin}, jatlh: <SoH! SuvwI'! 'avwI' DagheStaHvIS ghaH Datoy'
Qov:
> Might be clearer if you used Qan rather than toy' there.
Your suggestion (below) to recast this using verbs is probably best.
De'vID:
>> 'e' chaw'bogh ra'wI'
Qov:
> Remember that the reader has to wonder who ghaH represents all the way
> through two verbs, and consider putting the antecedent earlier.
I often have trouble with sentences of the form "So-and-so blah blah
blah blah blah to him", where "him" is a reference to "So-and-so". I
guess Klingon is less picky about preferring a pronoun over repeating
the noun, e.g., <'avwI' DagheStaHvIS che'wI' DaQan 'e' chaw'bogh
che'wI' yIngu'!>
De'vID:
>> yIngu'! Huch Hutlhbogh qorwI' qab'e' rur qablIj!>
Qov:
> A familiar Klingon insult mght work better here than the understandable but
> longwinded Klingon version of "you look like a hobo."
I'd thought about using {Dejpu'bogh Hov rur qablIj} here. But then I
thought it strayed too much from the original. I wish I had a shorter
word or phrase that had the same connotations as "beggar", "vagabond",
etc., to use here.
De'vID:
>> "You, a soldier!" exclaimed Hakuin. "What kind of ruler would have you
>> as his guard? Your face looks like that of a beggar."
Qov:
> Ah now I see where this came from. I would evade the "have you as his" and
> go more verbal, something like: {che'wI' Da'av 'e' chaw' 'Iv?} or
> {'avwI'DajvaD Dulajqangbogh che'wI' yIngu'}. That speech is the one that
> needs work.
Oh, {laj} is better than {chaw'}. I'll go with the second suggestion.
--
De'vID
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