tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Mon Jan 12 09:55:50 2004
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Re: weQqul's Urdu poem
Voragh:
> wa'Hu' chalvaD bI'Ip SoH.
> DaHjaj jIghoS. 'IplIj jIH.
>
> Yesterday *you* made an oath to the sky.
> Today I come. *I* am your oath.
weQqul:
>actually, i translated it incorrectly as well. it should have read 'some time
>ago', but as in tlhlngan Hol it really does not give a specific time, so i
>think i would go with ben just as in tlhlngan Hol qathlo'
The noun {ben} means "years ago" and is generally used with a number: e.g.
{cha'vatlh ben} "two-hundred years ago". I have seen people on this list
(but not Okrand) use it alone to refer to an unspecified time in the past,
but it may not be kosher - but, hey, this is poetry. Since it's a noun, we
-may- be able to use {'op} "some, an unknown or unspecified quantity" to
preserve the 7-syllable count (if that's important to you):
'op ben chalvaD bI'Ip SoH.
Some years ago *you* made an oath to the sky.
If you prefer using just {ben}, then I would adjust the next line so that
the number of syllables match (now 6):
ben chalvaD bI'Ip SoH.
DaH jIghoS. 'IplIj jIH.
Years ago *you* made an oath to the sky.
Now I come. *I* am your oath.
>it also should have read 'your only promise' not just 'your promise'
Okay, we'll add {neH} "only, just" to the line following the noun it modifies:
DaH jIghoS. 'IplIj neH jIH.
Now I come. *I* am your only oath.
and since we've added another syllable, we should use {'op} again:
'op ben chalvaD bI'Ip SoH.
DaH jIghoS. 'IplIj neH jIH.
Some years ago *you* made an oath to the sky.
Now I come. *I* am your only oath.
Now: 1) the number of syllables in each line matches (7); 2) each line ends
in the same consonant {H}; and 3) each line ends in a pronoun. This is,
admittedly, a rather mechanical analysis of this couplet - I'm certainly no
poet! - but it shows just how tricky translating poetry can be, what with
all this extra poetic considerations in addition to translating "merely"
the grammar or surface meaning of the lines.
--
Voragh
Ca'Non Master of the Klingons