tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Thu Jan 26 12:04:08 1995
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Re: KLBC: for January 25th
According to [email protected]:
>
> *Robert Burns* vIquvmoH:
>
> 'ach, yIHHom, bImobbe'bejtaH,
> lo'laHbe' leSSov 'e' Datob:
> pIj nabDI' yIHmey loDpu' je
> QapHa' bIH'e',
> 'a rInDI' ma'IQ 'ej ma'oy'
> mabelbe'qu'.
I think once one writes at this level, KLBC becomes an
inappropriate Subject Header. This is very well done.
One interesting question is whether {yIHmey loDpu' je} would be
represented by {bIH} as you have chosen or by {chaH} as I would
probably have guessed. I don't think Okrand has made any
rulings in this area. Looks like one more thing to add to the
list...
I also suggest that {'ej} might be a better conjunction than
{'a}, since there is no change in the thrust of the two
connected sentences.
I think the tranlation loses the sense that {lujlaH nabmey
nIvqu''e' chenmoHbogh yIHmey loDpu' je}, which for me is
significant, though I can understand how priorities over meter
might make it impossible to squeeze this in.
Hmm. Actually, who says it has to have the same number of
syllables so long as the symmetry is the same? Note: I have
never tried to write or translate poetry in Klingon, so this is
my first attempt, in response to your excellent post:
'ach yIHoy mach, bImobbe'bejtaH
chaq lo'laHbe' leSSov 'e' Datob:
lujlaH nabmey nIvqu''e' chenmoHbogh yIHmey loDpu' je
'ej ma'IQqu' 'ej ma'oy'qu' maHvaD Qapla' lay'lu'DI'.
I think mine perhaps fits the meaning a little more tightly
(adjusting for "Succcess" meaning to a Klingon what "Joy" means
to a human) while yours is undoubtably a better poetic match
for the meter.
> But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
> In proving foresight may be vain:
> The best laid schemes o' mice an' men
> Gang aft a gley,
> An' lea'e us nought but grief an' pain
> For promised joy.
>
>
> //qaghIS// yItIv!
>
> - DaQtIq
charghwI'
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