tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sat Aug 07 09:03:12 2010
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RE: How Many of Them Can We Make Die!
Well said, both of you; factual texts can quite easily be translated much of the time, but artistic ones must be interpreted. That's also part of the excitement of such pursuits; a difficult translaiton/interpretation will often force you to probe a text for its central message.
For that same reason, it often helps if there are already some good translations into other languages available. If so, you can examine multiple texts, see what their common denominators are, and ask yourself "Why did those who came before me choose to keep THIS particular part of the 'story' intact, and why did they replace THAT one entirely?"
...and just for the heck of it, I took a jab at the second verse. It's a bit forced, but perhaps it can provide others with some ideas:
yIqIm be'nI'. yIqIm loDnI'.
pe'vIl mayov wIra'lu'DI'.
jachjaj 'IwlIj SuvwI' yoH.
jachDI' jagh 'Iw wItammoH.
nuDach may' mIS 'e' wIchaw'Qo'
batlh ngoQ'a'maj wIbuSchu'mo'.
maQamlaHtaHvIS maHoHtaH.
novpu' 'ar DIHeghmoHlaH.
"Pay attention, sister! Pay attention, brother!
When we are ordered, we charge forcefully.
May your blood scream, brave warrior.
As soon as the enemy's blood screams, we will silence it.
We won't allow the battle's confusion to distract us, [possible Anglicism... ...and definite slang term]
because honorably we are perfectly focused on our great goal.
As long as we can stand, we kill.
How many outsiders can we make die?"
//Felix
________________________________________
From: [email protected] [[email protected]] on behalf of lojmIt tI'wI' nuv [[email protected]]
Sent: Saturday, August 07, 2010 16:07
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: How Many of Them Can We Make Die!
MajQa'! So often, half the lines of poems and songs exist to tell a story or describe a feeling and the other half exists to satisfy the rhyme and meter. That's why they often translate poorly.
Translating the parts that exist for rhyme and meter in one language, but don't rhyme or fit the meter is a common mistake. It is better if you can understand the original well enough to tell the same story, describe the same feeling, etc. And loosen up a bit on the parts that are there for the music of one language, replacing them with something that makes music in the translated language.
ghunchu'wI has done impressively well here.
lojmIt tI'wI'nuv
Sent from my iPad
On Aug 6, 2010, at 6:32 PM, "ghunchu'wI' 'utlh" <[email protected]> wrote:
> On Fri, Aug 6, 2010 at 4:43 PM, Steven Boozer <[email protected]> wrote:
>> On first glance most of this seems easily do-able,...
>
>
> bIqID qar'a'? ngeD "Shining armour's piercing ring" 'e' DaQubbej'a'? "A
> Force Like Ours is Hard to Stop" Damughrup'a'?
>
> Qatlhqu'. Qu' ma'be' mu'tay'. 'ej mu'mey mughlu'chugh, bom chIllu'. bom'e'
> mughlu'meH, vumqu'nISlu'.
>
> pe'chu' yan 'ej SIj 'obmaQ,
> boch 'ej jej Hoch nuHmey vaQ.
> 'utlhpu'ma' Qan yoDmaj nIv,
> jeghmeH taHqeq DaH DIHIv.
> taghmeH may' pe'vIl maDuv,
> puH wIpolmeH reH maSuv.
> gheb wIrIl 'ej majachtaH,
> novpu' 'ar DIHeghmoHlaH!
>
> veb 'Iv?
>
> -- ghunchu'wI'
>
>
>