RE: "one nation, under God"

[Steven Boozer <sboozer@midway.uchicago.edu>]

"I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to 
the Republic for which it stands: one Nation under God, indivisible, with 
liberty and justice for all."

Voragh's 1st version:
>*America* Sepmey tay' joqwI'vaD 'ej qumvaD 'oSbogh jImatlh 'e' vI'Ip:  wa' 
>wo''e' Devbogh Qun, wa' wo''e' luwavlaHbe'bogh, wa' wo''e' HochvaD tlhab 
>ruv je lay'bogh.
>
>"I vow to be loyal to the flag of the United States of America and to the 
>government which it represents:  one empire which God guides, one empire 
>which they cannot divide, one empire which promises freedom and justice to 
>all."

DloraH commented:
> > *America* Sepmey tay' joqwI'vaD 'ej qumvaD 'oSbogh jImatlh 'e' vI'Ip:
>
>Shouldn't the [-vaD]'s be connected with a [je] at the end, instead of
>['ej]?

True.  I suppose I was overly influence by {romuluSngan Sambogh 'ej HoHbogh 
nejwI'} "Romulan hunter-killer probe" from KCD.  Adding a comma makes it 
clear where the two things you're swearing to are separated:

   *America* Sepmey tay' joqwI'vaD, qumvaD 'oSbogh je jImatlh 'e' vI'Ip

In speech, though, it's a bit hard to tell where the break is between all 
these groups of nouns.  We could omit {'oSbogh} "which it represents":

   *America* Sepmey tay' joqwI'vaD qumvaD je jImatlh 'e' vI'Ip
   I vow to be loyal to the flag and to the government of the United
   States of America

... but that defeats the purpose of the Pledge.  You're swearing your 
allegiance specifically to the flag which represents the government, not to 
the flag and the government.

Why don't we could combine them into one long relative {-bogh} clause:

   *America* Sepmey tay' qum 'oSbogh joqwI'vaD jImatlh 'e' vI'Ip
   I vow to be loyal to the flag representing the government of the
   United States of America

(I always tell people not to obsess over translating every grammatical 
feature of the source text.  I should follow my own advice.)

> > wa' wo''e' Devbogh Qun, wa' wo''e' luwavlaHbe'bogh,
> > wa' wo''e' HochvaD tlhab ruv je lay'bogh.
> > "one empire which promises freedom and justice to all."
>
>Some say that with -'e' the /wa' wo''e'/ can stay at the beginning (and match
>the other sentences).  But I don't think it works well here.  I believe it
>would be better as the subject that it is.
>
>    HochvaD tlhab ruv je lay'bogh wa' wo''e'.
>
> > Also, I wanted to say *{wavlu'laHbe'bogh} "which cannot
> > be divided", but Okrand tells us explicitly that:
> >
> >   The two suffixes of Type 5 [i.e. {-lu'} and {-laH}] have nothing much
> >   to do with each other except for both being Type 5. As a result, no
> >   verb occurs with both of these suffixes at the same time. (TKD p.38)
> >
> > Okrand tells us about the sometimes heard slang suffix {-luH} "one can"
> > in KGT (p.181), but I decided not to use it in order to keep the style
> > formal.
>
>For "Kahless, the unforgettable" he used vay'.

I'd forgotten that:  {qeylIS'e' lIjlaHbe'bogh vay'} "Kahless the 
Unforgettable".

   wa' wo''e' wavlaHbe'bogh vay'
   one empire which someone/anyone cannot divide

That's nice, but I think {pagh} "nothing, none, no one" works better:

   wa' wo''e' wavlaHbogh pagh
   one empire which nothing (no one) can divide

This part is tricky.  I wanted to reproduce the rhythmic feel of the three 
appositional phrases.  Let's try collapsing them, as I did before:

   Devbogh Qun, wavlaHbogh pagh, HochvaD tlhab ruv je lay'bogh wa' wo''e'.

Nope, that doesn't work.  You need to start out with {wa' wo'} somewhere at 
the beginning.

How about rearranging the order and omitting the extra {wa' wo''e'}'s:

   HochvaD tlhab ruv je lay'bogh wa' wo''e' Devbogh Qun, wavlaHbogh pagh.
   "one empire, which God guides, which promises freedom and justice to all,
    which nothing can divide"

That's not bad.  {wo'} can be both the subject of {lay'bogh} and the object 
of {Devbogh} at the same time.  Do we need a conjunction to link it to 
{wavlaHbe'bogh vay'}?  I don't think so.  Let's repeat {wo'}:

   HochvaD tlhab ruv je lay'bogh wa' wo''e' Devbogh Qun, wo''e' wavlaHbogh pagh
   "one empire, which God guides, which promises freedom and justice to all,
    an empire which nothing can divide"

Now putting this all together, we have:

   *America* Sepmey tay' qum 'oSbogh joqwI'vaD jImatlh 'e' vI'Ip:  HochvaD
   tlhab ruv je lay'bogh wa' wo''e' Devbogh Qun, wo''e' wavlaHbogh pagh.

   I vow to be loyal to the flag representing the government of the United
   States of America: one empire, which God guides, promising freedom and
   justice to all; an empire which nothing can divide.

Better?


-- 
Voragh
Ca'Non Master of the Klingons