tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Mon Jan 30 14:54:35 1995
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Re: tlhingan bom, 3rd try.
>Date: Thu, 26 Jan 1995 23:57:12 -0500
>Originator: [email protected]
>From: [email protected] (David Barron)
>OK I found some more errors.
>this should be my last re-edit.
I waited until this one to comment...
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------
>'etlh 'oH yIn'e'
>by David Barron 26jan'95
>tlhIngan maH 'ej maHemqu' We are Klingon and we are proud
>cheSuvchugh vaj rejaychu' If you fight us we will perfectly
> defeat you.
You mean "rejeychu'", right? there's no such word as "jay".
>jagh DaneHchugh naSbej maH If you want an enemy we're surely fierce.
First off, why did you change from you-plural to you-singular? The
previous lines were "if youplural fight us", and now it's "if yousingular
want an enemy."
Consider "nej" for "neH"; you might *seek* an enemy more naturally than
you'd *want* one.
But the worst here: you missed the conjugation! Just because "maH" follows
the noun doesn't mean you can get away with forgetting the "ma-" in front!
You know that. "*ma*naSbej maH" or something.
>'ach maHeghchugh 'ej manaS, But If we die and are vicious,
The English seems to mean "if we die and (if) we are vicious". I can't
really understand this unless the "naS" is also conditional. So doesn't it
have to be manaSchugh?
BTW, I take no pains to be nice to your meter when I edit... I just point
out what looks like it needs improvement. If you can fit it into meter,
well, so much the better.
>ghe''orDaq qa'maj ngevQo' Our spirits won't be sent to Hell
Personally, I consider spirits to be sentient, so I use "qa'ma'." There is
plenty of room for disagreement here.
You meant "ngeH", right, not "ngev"/sell?
I'm a little puzzled as to who's refusing to do the sending/selling, but an
unspecified (not necessarily impersonal) "it" is okay in a poem.
>batlh mayInDI' yIn tu'lu' There is life when we live with honor
>'ej and
>batlh maHeghrup'a'? toH, lu'. Are we ready to die with honor? Well yes!
Me, I consider "HIja'" the answer to "-'a'" questions. But this situation
is ambiguous enough.
Now, how're you going to tell us the melody? Maybe a tape I can digitize
for the site? :)
~mark