tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Sat Oct 29 08:29:47 2011
[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next]
[Tlhingan-hol] nuq bop bom: deleted scene: jol
<html>
<body>
I'm still rearranging things for 'ay''a' vagh so instead of a new
episode, today I give you a deleted scene. An earlier draft of 'ay''a'
wej called for ghutar ne' to be trapped in a flood of bIrmoHmeH taS in
mIch loS, and I had to come up with a way to not solve the problem with
the transporter, because that would take all the fun out of it. Kingons
wouldn't care if intraship beaming was dangerous. Rather than just saying
the transporter wouldn't work, I decided to show it not working, but the
chapter went way off the rails. One of the many rewrites to the story
changed the threat to the ship, such that the story unfolded in a way
that wasn't solvable with the transporter anyway, so I didn't have to
break it. Which is great, because I might have a use for it later. This
scene takes place after a conference between Captain vajar and First
Officer 'ungya. <br><br>
It's not very good, either. I'm sending it because I thought you
might find it funny, and I was resisting actually deleting it from the
file until I'd had a chance to show it to someone.<br>
------<br>
taS luQol 'e' luwuq. jolpa'Daq jolpa'vo' ghap vay' jollaH jolpat cham.[4]
jolpa'Daq chennIS vay' QollaHpa' jolpat. jolpa'Daq chen bIrmoHmeH taS 'e'
luneHbe'ba' vaj nab lu'oghpu'. jolpa'Daq pawtaHvIS vay', lajHa'meH mIw
luSov. vaj pawtaHvIS bIrmoHmeH taS, lulajHa', 'ach wewtaHvIS jol,
De'wI'vaD Hal Quv luchoH. lulajHa'DI' HalqoqDaq chegh taS, 'ach Halqoq
luchoHta'mo', logh chIm 'oH ghoch'e'. Dunmo' nab Hoy'chuq. jolpa'
lughoS.<br><br>
'ul Sech woH HoD 'ej jolpat ravDaq lan. ghutarvaD Qum ?SoHvaD Sech vIjol
ghIq taS SuD wIQolchoH. loj 'e' Da'ollaHDI' bImejlaH.?<br><br>
?yaj!? SIbI' jang ghutar. <br><br>
Hurghmo' pa', Sech tu'laHmeH ghutar, chu'pu' HoD. Qap. jolpat SeHlaw
'emDaq QamchoH yaS wa'DIch 'ej jol rIH. wewchoH Sech naQ ghIq ngab. Qum
ghutar, ?jol vIlegh ... pawpu' wovmoHwI' ... vIghaj.?<br><br>
?maj,? jatlh vajar. ?DaH taSvetlh SuD yIQeq.?<br><br>
bIrmoHmeH taS QeqchoH yaS wa'DIch. quqtaHvIS Hoch taS QollaHbe' jolpat,
vaj 'ay'mey neH jolnISlu'. Quv vonpu'DI' jolpat rIH yaS wa'DIch 'ej loS.
tugh jolpa'Daq chen wewbogh tut. ?'uch!? jatlh vajar 'ej SeHlaw ruQtaHvIS
yaS wa'DIch, Hal Quv ghunqa' HoD. ?DaH yIlajHa'!? SeHlaw leQ yuv yaS
wa'DIch 'ej chenHa' tut. ngabpu'DI' ?Qapla'!? jach yaSpu' 'ej
paw'.<br><br>
?nupbejpu'? Qum ghutar. ?boQollI' 'e' vIbej.?<br><br>
?yIta'qa',? jatlh HoD. SeHlaw Hotqa' yaS wa'DIch 'a chenchoHbe' wewbogh
tut. <br><br>
?yIruch!? ra' HoD.<br><br>
?Quv vonlaw'ta' 'a jolchoHQo'.?<br><br>
?HoS yIghur?!? ra' HoD. vIH yaS wa'DIch ghop. DIvI' jolpat rurbogh wab
lIngchoH. jolpat rav chIm bej HoD. chen tlhIchHey. ?chenchoHlaw'? jatlh
HoD. ?HoS!? vIHqa' yaS wa'DIch ghop. SeHlawDaq wewchoH wovmoHwI'Hom puS,
ghIq panchoH. tlhIngan DeSDu'Daq pum qulHom 'a rotlhmo' 'ej Qu'
luta'nISmo' bepbe' 'ej SIQtaH. <br><br>
tlhIchna' tlhuDtaH jolpat rav. He'. pey rur. ?QaQbe'law' tlhIchvetlh,?
jatlh yaS wa'DIch. <br><br>
tung HoD. ?yIchu'Ha'. Qap latlh gho 'e' DaHar'a'??[2]<br><br>
?QapHa'law'pu' nIDvetlh,? Qum ghutar, ?wewchoH 'a Qollu'be'.?<br><br>
?wISov,? jang HoD. ?wInIDqa'.?<br><br>
jolpa' SeHlaw ruQchoH yaS wa'DIch. ?toH. QapHa'law' jolpat. Quv
jonbe'bej. motlh Daq vIQeqDI' SIbI' Dochmey vIjollaHbogh ngu'choH.
poj'egh pat 'e' vIra'ta'.?[5]<br><br>
jolpa' mej HoD. tugh chegh, Soj ngaSwI'mey chIm qengtaHvIS[1]
?poj'eghta''a'??<br><br>
?wej?<br><br>
?ghorgh poj'eghta'??<br><br>
?ratlhlaw' wej tup.?<br><br>
?yIqagh. De'wI' QIp vIloSqangbe'. reH Dap neH lIng pojwI'. Ha'!
Dochmeyvam DIQol 'e' yInID.? jolpat ravDaq veQ lan. SeHlaw luruQchoH 'ach
qaSlaw' pagh. SeHlaw pup HoD 'ach SIghbe'law' je.<br><br>
?Do'Ha',? jatlh yaS wa'DIch. ?Qapbe'law'.?[2]<br><br>
?wej wen qaSpu' je.? jatlh HoD<br><br>
?chay' DatI'?? tlhob yaS wa'DIch. <br><br>
?tI''eghlaw'. wornagh jItlhutlhmeH jImej 'ej jIcheghDI' Qapqa'.?<br><br>
--then in a later scene--<br><br>
Hota'ro'vaD jatlh HoD. ?ghIH jolpa'. pa' veQ tu'lu',? jatlh HoD.
?yISay'moH.?<br><br>
?lu' HoD,? jatlh DeghwI' 'ej meH mej.<br><br>
--yet later--<br><br>
chegh Hota'ro', ?HoD, QapHa' jolpat. veQvetlh vIQol 'e' nID 'a Qoplaw'
jolvoy'.?<br><br>
?DaQapHa'moHpu''a'?? jatlh yaS wa'DIch. QeHchoHlaw'. ?qoH!?<br><br>
SuvrupchoH DeghwI' 'a DuHIvchoHbe'DI' yaS nIv, ba'choH neH.<br><br>
DeghwI'vaD jatlh HoD, ?DatI'laH'a'??<br><br>
jang DeghwI', ?chaq. wej wen qaS 'ej tI'taHvIS ghIrel vIboQ. ngeD Qu'
'ach mIch vaghDaq latlh jolvoy' tu'lu'.?[3]<br>
-----<br>
[1] I had the ship systems all thought out before I realized: Klingons?
Recycle? You gotta be kidding. <br>
[2] Klingon IT support personnel have to put up with this kind of thing
all the time.<br>
[3] You KNEW I wasn't going to solve the problem with a mere transporter,
so I had to take it out of the equation. The handwaving ?won't work
inside the ship? wasn't very interesting. How to count out the Deus ex
Machina panacea that is the transporter? I really pity the professional
Star Trek writers their task. Here's a webpage that testifies both to
their creativity and that of the fans trying to keep track of their
rationalizations.
<a href="http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Transporter";>
http://en.memory-alpha.org/wiki/Transporter</a><br>
[4] That places these Klingons' technology in the era where intraship or
site-to-site beaming was non-standard. Seeing as they don't even have
food replicators that seems about right. Current data storage technology
doesn't allow for a stable pattern buffer.<br>
[5] Actual conversation with my husband:<br>
Me: Oh no, my Klingons are running a diagnostic routine on the
transporter computer. That's not very Klingon, is it?<br>
Him: No, Klingons would just transport a prisoner and analyse the
resulting pieces.<br>
Me: They haven't got any prisoners.<br>
Him: Then they would test it on low-ranking crewmembers until either it
works or they run out of crew. </body>
</html>
_______________________________________________
Tlhingan-hol mailing list
[email protected]
http://stodi.digitalkingdom.org/mailman/listinfo/tlhingan-hol