tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Mon Feb 19 14:03:32 2001
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Re: Sonnet CXVI
- From: Nick Nicholas <[email protected]>
- Subject: Re: Sonnet CXVI
- Date: Mon, 19 Feb 2001 14:00:33 -0800
De'vID posted a translation of sonnet CXVI while I wasn't looking :-) .
Good to see someone's working on the sonnets again, but there is a problem
in that the translation isn't metrical, and if anything metre is more
important than rhyme for poetic form. The non-gallant thing to do would be
to post my own version :-) , but since that ain't gonna happen soon
(though I'm at least now revising the grammar of my _Mark_ translation),
I'll limit myself for now to a few comments:
>Let me not to the marriage of true minds
> Admit impediments. Love is not love
>tIq chang'engna' tlhogh botlu'
> 'e' vIchaw'Qo'. parmaqna' 'oHbe'
True's a tricky word here, as it is meant to mean faithful as well as real.
Why introduce the concept of a pair? Admit is probably closer to botbogh
ghu' vIlajQo', but chaw'Qo' will do.
>Which alters when it alteration finds,
> Or bends with the remover to remove:
>choHbogh parmaqqoq'e' choH tu'lu'DI'qu',
> qoj teqlu' net chIDDI' 'ombe'.
I'd prefer parmaqqoq'e', choHDI'... as clearer. The fourth verse is really
difficult (I'm stll not sure I understand it, even with my commentary), and
your rendering's as good as any. :-)
>Qo'! reH ngaDqu' Quvna''e' 'oH;
> jevqu'taHvIS ratlh 'ej not vIHmoHlu'.
ngaD should follow Quv.
>Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
> Within his bending sickle's compass come:
>wuS Doq qevpob Doq je nge'laH poH,
> 'ach poH qoH 'oHbe' parmaq'e'.
Good job reversing the order. With the profusion of words for knife, it'd
be a pity not to have [knife] chuq here.
>Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
> But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
>qaSpu'DI' repmey Hoghmey ngaj je choHQo',
> 'ach 'u' Qaw'lu'pu'pa' Dejbe'.
I'd prefer taH to Dejbe'.
Nick Nicholas, Thesaurus Linguae Graecae. [email protected]
www.tlg.uci.edu/~opoudjis
"All the nations also under his dominion were filled with joy and
inexpressible gladness at not being even for a moment deprived of the
benefits of a well ordered government."
--- Eusebius of Caesaria on the accession of Constantine I.