tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Wed Dec 11 06:21:00 1996

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RE: story, part 4

December 10, 1996 11:28 PM, jatlh Deborah Kay:

> I generally don't feel the need to discuss story content, but in this 
instance 
> I would like to.  You objected to Velka telling her father she loved him.  I 

> understand why you said that.  Do you think that the father's actions are 
> enough and that words are not needed?  May I suggest the following:
> 
> rInDI' vav, tlhup velqa, "qatlho', vavoy."
> "SaSaH, puqbe'pu'oy," jang vavchaj, "qaStaHvIS ram pa'Daq peQong."
> 
> Still too much?  I could lose the {SaSaH}.  Do the {oy}'s have to go too?

I think you misunderstand me a little.  Yes, I do have an objection to 
Klingons saying "I love you daddy," but that's just the tip of the iceberg.  
The *language* doesn't suggest this, either.

But I don't think you should get rid of the {-oy}s.  They are an element of 
the language which is intended to do exactly what you have done.  It shouldn't 
be used very often, as TKD says, but it does have its place.

I like this new version much better.  It's actually much more to the point.  
And there's another good reason to use {SaH}: TKW p. 199: {ghojwI'pu'lI' 
tISaH} "Care about your students."  I suggest you reread the page on this 
proverb to see what I mean.

> There's another portion that I would like some help with.  Describing either 

> hand-to-hand combat or weapons fighting turned into a real challenge for me. 
 
> I would have liked to describe an individual blocking a blow (or strike or 
> whatever word you like for that concept) from either a hand or a weapon.  
When 
> I wound up with the lame "an opportunity presented itself," I was thinking 
> that the cadet had used his betleH to block too far outside and high and had 

> left his legs vulnerable.  Therefore, Velka used her betleH like you might 
use 
> a leg in karate to sweep him from his feet.  I just don't have to expertise 
> with the language to come close to that.

I know what you mean.  In writing a Klingon story of my own, I ran into this 
very problem.  Don't worry; it's not that you're not skilled in the language 
(you most certainly are), it's that there aren't a lot of words that are 
useful for this.  I suppose this comes from earlier Star Trek's dependence on 
ship-to-shop combat instead of hand-to-hand combat when it came to Klingons.  
Perhaps Maltz was/is more interested in ship combat than melee.

Still, let's see what I can do with this:

mangHom nach'e' nom ghoS velqa betleH.  HIvvammo' DeSDu'Daj pep mangHom 'ej 
botmeH betleH lo'.  paw'DI' betleHmey, chuSqu'!  HIvDI' velqa, HoSDaj naQ lo' 
'ej mangHom mer.  betleH pepDI' mangHom, SIchqu', vaj 'uSDu'Daj Hubbe'choH.  
'eb legh velqa.  nom betleH pepHa' 'ej mangHom 'uSDu' HIv.  botrupbe' mangHom 
vaj 'uSDu' mupqu' velqa!  pum mangHom.  nom HughDaj ghoS velqa betleH.

I just composed this before going to work, so I haven't had a good chance to 
read it over.  Tell me what *you* think!  :)

-- 
SuStel
Beginners' Grammarian
Stardate 96946.2

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