tlhIngan-Hol Archive: Mon Nov 07 09:40:43 1994

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Re: KBLC:poem beginning

First comment is that this is an ambitious start with a good
degree of success.

According to Matthew Rasnake:
> 
> My poem starts out with past tense language, and I've had quite a time just
> getting what I've gotten done.  This is probably really bad, but its an
> attempt.  Here goes:

The first thing about Klingon to remember is that is has no
tense. You set the tense with a time context only. In other
words, in Klingon, you would say, "Yesterday, I go to the
store. Tomorrow, I go to the store again."

Often beginning Klingonists mistake aspect for tense. Aspect
instead indicates degree of completion within the tense
suggested by the time context. In other words, rather than say,
"Yesterday, I go to the store," I could say, "Today, I have
gone to the store." In neither sentence do I place tense on the
verb. In the first sentence, the past tense is suggested by the
word "Yesterday", which sets the tense context. In the second
sentence, the tense is present, set by the word "today", but
the aspect is that the action is completed.

Is this making sense yet?

>           qul
> 
> mInDu'lIjDaq meQpu' qul  (There once was a fire which burned in your eyes)
> jIHvaD  		 (for me.)

This works, though you should recognize that it more accurately
means "A fire had burned in your eyes for me." This works well
because much of what you wish to convey is that the fire is no
longer burning. The action of burning is now complete; it is
ended. This is good use of the perfective. 

Also note that it is more common to have {jIHvaD} first, since
it is a kind of object (an indirect object). It normally comes
before the verb to which it applies, though I am not sure that
is carved in granite in the context of poetry.

> Not a constant, blazing inferno (qul'a'na' ??)

I think you need a verb to accomplish your desired sense of
continuation. Something like:

meQtaHbe' qulvam 'ej tujqu'be' 'oH

You don't have to accept this. My intent is not to wrote your
poem for you (though that's what I'll wind up doing if I keep
this up). I just want to show some of the tools you have
available to you in the language.

> But a brief, glimmering flame   (qulHomHey ??)

Think, "But, while a not-long time happens, this qulHom
apparently burns."

> that told me without words how you felt ( ?? )

Think, "While it does not use words, this flame shows me your
heart / tells me your goals / tells me your secrets / tells me
the things that you want."

> Doch narghpu' 'oH  	 (It was a thing that appeared)

This means, "It has appeared a thing." More likely, it would be
interpreted as "It has escaped a thing," since "escape" is
transitive and "appear" is not. In the appendix, {nargh} is
translated as "escape", while in the main dictionary, it means
"appear".

In general, I'd reword this whole section to make it better fit
the tendency in Klingon toward smaller sentences. Yes, it would
be written in one sentence in Klingon. No, it would not be
pretty.

> in times of desire or passion     ( ?? )
> which you would quickly suppress  ( ?? )
> out of fear			  ( ?? )
> 

Maybe you would want to turn this into something closer to:

"This flame burns when you are passionate, but because you
dread situations which you cannot control, you quickly stop
that the flame burns."

Hey, it sounds a little less stilted in Klingon... I just
figured this was the best way to offer you tools for writing,
but leaving the writing up to you.

> That's all I could get so far, hope you'll let me know just how badly I'm doing
> :)!  
> 
> Qapla'
> 
> Matt

Again, you are ambitious. There is no need for so much
humility. yIjaqqu'!

Qapla'

charghwI'

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